21. Who Are Your People? Finding the Parenting Village You Actually Need
Today, I want to talk about something that’s been on my heart - and I think at some point, it might be on yours too:
Who are your people?
Who walks beside you in your parenting journey? Who do you call when you’re overwhelmed, unsure, or just need someone to witness what you’re carrying?
If that question makes you feel a little sad - or even a little ashamed because the answer is “no one” - I want you to know you are not alone.
The Village We’ve Lost
Throughout human history, parenting wasn’t a solo job. Children were raised by villages - grandparents, aunties, older siblings, neighbors, faith communities. In many cultures, even today, there’s no separation between my child and our child.
But modern Western culture glorifies self-reliance. We’ve traded community for convenience, independence, and individualism. Many of us are parenting behind closed doors, silently wondering if we’re the only ones struggling.
We’re not.
I remember when my kids were in their early teens - my support system felt like it had bottomed out. My children were navigating complicated emotional and hormonal shifts, and I was being triggered in ways I didn’t fully understand. Friends weren’t in the same phase yet, and I felt like I was drowning.
That’s when my healing work really began. I realized I needed to expand my network, seek out women on similar paths, and find relationships - many of them online - that were emotionally and intellectually supportive. My village looked different than it had when my kids were little, but it sustained me in ways my early parenthood support system hadn’t.
What Villages Look Like Today
You don’t need a physical village to have a village. Your people can look like:
- A trusted friend you text when the day goes sideways
- A therapist or coach who helps you process triggers
- Your partner, if you’re parenting together
- An online parenting community where you feel seen
- Family, chosen family, neighbors, teachers, faith communities, or book clubs
Villages can be in-person or virtual, family or chosen, peers or professionals, and they will change as your needs change.
The support you needed during sleep training is not the same as what you’ll need when parenting a teenager - or grieving an empty nest.
Curating Your Village
Not everyone who loves you will make parenting easier. Some well-meaning people can add stress, shame, or confusion. Building a village is not about collecting people - it’s about curating the right ones.
Ask yourself:
- Who helps me feel more grounded, more regulated, more like myself?
- Who listens without judgment?
- Who truly gets the kind of parent I’m trying to be?
And remember: it’s okay to set boundaries with those who drain you - even if they’re family - and to invite in new people who align with your values.
I still count people in my coaching cohort - women I’ve never met in person - as part of my village. During raw moments in my parenting and personal growth, their honesty, encouragement, and shared experience were invaluable.
The Role of Vulnerability
Here’s the thing: you can’t build a meaningful village if you’re hiding. Vulnerability is scary - but people can’t support you if they don’t know what you’re carrying.
You don’t connect through perfection. You connect through truth, honesty, and raw presence. Let your people see your cracks, your questions, your courage, and your growth.
The stronger your village, the safer your nervous system feels - and the more regulated you are, the more connected your children will feel.
Practical Steps to Build Your Village
If you’re listening and thinking, “This sounds nice, but I don’t have anyone,” here’s how to start:
- Start with one. You don’t need ten people. Identify one safe, steady person.
- Be brave enough to go first. Send the text, ask for coffee, join a support group. Take the risk.
- Get clear on your values. Who aligns with the parent you want to be?
- Don’t underestimate online connection. Find communities where parenting is approached with curiosity, compassion, and care.
- Give what you wish to receive. Sometimes you become part of someone else’s village first - and that opens the door for reciprocity.
Closing Thoughts
You were never meant to do this alone. Parenting is too tender, too stretching, too important to carry in silence.
So ask yourself again: Who are your people?
And if your village is still growing, let this be your reminder: it’s not too late. Begin today - with a single text, a small act of courage, or a new space where you can be truly seen.
Let yourself be held. Let yourself belong.
Because when we find our people, we don’t just parent better - we become better. More whole. More human. More connected.
♥ Your Parent Coach, Brittney