6. Patience vs. Persistence (and Why It Matters in Parenting)
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I just need to be more patient,” today’s reframe might change everything about the way you approach parenting. In this episode of The Parenting Lab, I’m sharing a mindset shift that has transformed the way I show up with my kids - and it might be the shift you’ve been needing too.
This post explores why “just be patient” is often the wrong advice, what to focus on instead, and how adopting a mindset of persistent parenting can help you raise emotionally healthy, resilient children… without ignoring your own feelings in the process.
Why “Being Patient” Isn’t the Parenting Goal You Think It Is
We’ve all heard it:
“You just need to be more patient.”
“Stay calm. Be patient. Don’t react.”
And while patience sounds like a beautiful virtue, it often doesn’t work the way we think - especially in real-life parenting moments.
Patience is defined as the ability to accept or tolerate delay, difficulty, or suffering without becoming upset or anxious.
But here’s the problem:
Parenting isn’t passive.
And patience is, by definition, passive.
Patience asks us to endure. To tolerate. To wait quietly. But raising kids - real, messy, emotional, growing humans - requires something much more active, intentional, and grounded.
You don’t need to be a patient parent.
You need to be a persistent parent.
The Problem With “Just Be Patient” Parenting Advice
When we force ourselves to “be patient,” it often means:
- Suppressing our own valid feelings
- Pretending we’re not frustrated
- Waiting quietly while behavior escalates
- Feeling guilty when we aren’t patient
- Believing that good parenting = emotional perfection
But here’s the truth:
You are a human being.
Your emotions are normal.
Your frustration is valid.
And trying to be flawlessly patient is a setup for shame and burnout.
This is why patience, as it’s often taught, can feel disempowering. Parenting isn’t about tolerating or silently enduring. It’s about being present, involved, responsive, and committed to growth - yours AND your child’s.
The Power of Becoming a Persistent Parent
Persistence means:
continuing firmly in a course of action despite difficulty or opposition.
Read that again.
Because that is exactly what parenthood asks of us.
Persistent parenting is active. Engaged. Thoughtful. Purposeful.
It means:
- You show up consistently
- You keep teaching and modeling
- You stay rooted in your values
- You navigate hard moments with intention
- You keep going even when it’s messy
- You use setbacks as information, not evidence of failure
Persistence honors the emotional reality of parenting while giving you a roadmap for steady, grounded growth.
Persistence Starts With Knowing Your Core Values
This is where Episode 3 comes into play.
You cannot persist if you have nothing to persist toward.
Persistence assumes you have already charted a course.
Your core values become the compass:
- If you value kindness → you model it consistently
- If you value responsibility → you teach it patiently and repeatedly
- If you value honesty → you model truthfulness even when it’s hard
Parenting becomes less about managing behavior, and more about aligning with your values - even in moments when everything feels chaotic.
**Patience Waits.
Persistence Engages.**
When a child is melting down, patience says:
“Stay calm. Don’t react. Wait for this to pass.”
Persistence says:
“I’m here. I see what’s happening. I’m staying connected.
And I’m going to guide you through this.”
When a child pushes a boundary, patience says:
“Just breathe and tolerate it.”
Persistence says:
“Let’s revisit this boundary. I’m staying steady.
We’ll try again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.”
Persistence is active love.
Engaged leadership.
Consistent guidance.
And it’s infinitely more effective - and sustainable - than white-knuckled patience.
What Shifting From Patience to Persistence Looks Like in Real Life
Here’s the shift:
Instead of:
“I need to stop getting frustrated,”
Try:
“I can be frustrated and still follow through with intention.”
Instead of:
“I should stay calm no matter what,”
Try:
“I can stay grounded even when big emotions are happening.”
Instead of:
“I should be more patient,”
Try:
“I can stay committed to my values even when this is hard.”
This reframes your role from pressure to perform into permission to stay present.
Persistence Helps You Integrate Your Emotions - Not Ignore Them
A common misconception is that “good parents don’t lose their cool.”
But parenting is full of emotion - your kids’ AND yours.
Persistence doesn’t require you to erase your feelings.
It asks you to integrate them:
- “I’m frustrated, and I can still stay connected.”
- “I’m overwhelmed, and I can still take one small step forward.”
- “Today was rough, and I can start again tomorrow.”
Challenges become information, not indictments.
Why This Reframe Matters for Your Kids
When children watch you persist, they learn:
- resilience
- emotional flexibility
- commitment
- problem-solving
- how to recover after hard moments
You’re not modeling perfection.
You’re modeling growth.
And growth is what builds emotionally safe, secure parent-child relationships.
Your New Parenting Mantra: Persistent, Not Patient
This mindset shift has been transformative in my own home.
I no longer see myself as tolerating motherhood.
I see myself as engaging with it - with purpose, with clarity, and with resilience.
Persistence helps me:
- stay rooted in my values
- navigate challenges with intention
- show up more authentically
- parent from a place of connection rather than obligation
And I hope this simple shift gives you something powerful to take into your own parenting this week.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to be endlessly patient.
You don’t need to be emotionally perfect.
You don’t need to wait quietly for things to get better.
You just need to stay committed - to your values, to your growth, and to your child.
That’s persistence.
And it changes everything.
♥ Your Parent Coach, Brittney